Midterms are a tough time for everyone. They induce stress, anger and overall agitation to every student on campus. But what is one to do with all of this anger and aggression? We suggest taking a break to release your pent up emotion vicariously through some of Hollywood’s greatest serial killers. Here is a breakdown of five famous serial killers and their relatability to students during testing season.
American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman: Wealthy, materialistic Wall Street tycoon by day, serial killer by night. Patrick Bateman is the Chuck Bass of murderers as he spends his days doing drugs and having sex with prostitutes. Beyond his various hobbies, Bateman shows a wide range of sadistic talents ranging from rape and torture to necrophilia and cannibalism. Bateman has a wicked superiority complex, killing men because they make him angry and inferior and women for sexual pleasure. As if being a sociopath wasn’t enough, he’s also racist, misogynistic, homophobic and anti-Semitic. Unsurprisingly no one likes him, his only redeemable quality is he makes you laugh from being so disturbingly weird.
Most Relatable Moment: When Bateman gets hot and heavy over the color and lettering of his coworker’s business card. Stationary always hits the soul.
Rotten Tomato Rating: 68%
Orphan’s Esther Coleman: The Benjamin Button of serial killers is little Esther Coleman. She is a 33 year old woman with hypopituitarism. Her version of turning life’s lemons into lemonade includes pretending to be a 9 year old orphan and manipulating men to sleep with her by harming their families. She creates an environment that makes men believe their wives are unstable, so that she can go in for the kill…as they believe she is a 9 year old girl. When they reject her, she kills them and their whole family. Her other talents include playing piano and painting erotic paintings of her and the married men she lusts after.
Most Relatable Moment: When Esther sits in front of her vanity, crying as she takes off her makeup and goes from cute and adorable to hideous and worn out. Some days are just really rough, okay?
Rotten Tomato Rating: 56%
Silence of the Lambs’s Dr. Hannibal Lecter: A story of a psychiatrist trying to avenge the death of his sister by cannibalistic Nazis, heartwarming truly. Hannibal is a serial killer guaranteed to send chills down your spine with his impenetrable personality. Some debate that he is a sociopath, others say it is just narcissistic personality disorder. He feels as though he is superior to regular humans and is fit to decide who lives and who dies. In a way, you can see Hannibal as a Robin Hood, for he kills people with bad manners and low morality. With his impeccable memory, kindness towards children, and unmeasurable intelligence, he makes the perfect kid-friendly serial killer.
Most Relatable Moment: There’s an eerie similarity to the way Hannibal Lecter guides Clarice through her investigation and the way we look when quizzing our friends at 3 A.M. the night before a test. The crazed look in our eyes being fostered by holding the power of all the answers we’ll never remember.
Rotten Tomato Rating: 95%
Scream’s Ghostface: The villain that has been running through the streets on Halloween since 1996, Ghostface reigns as one of the most popular killers of all time. With his iconic mask and one liner, “Do you like scary movies?”, who wouldn’t just die over him. A man before his time, Ghostface calls his victims to taunt them while using a voice changer to hide his identity. His whole MO revolved around recreating horror movies, asking his victims trivia questions and stalking them in manners similar to those seen in the films he talks about. With seven different faces behind the mask, Ghostface benchmarks the beginning of cult serial killers in Hollywood–even though we all know Billy Loomis is the only one that matters.
Most Relatable Moment: When Stu cries that his mom and dad are going to be so mad at him when they find out what he’s done. Whether it’s the actual test score or your choice to go to MRT instead of study, we’ve all felt the approaching phone call of wrath.
Rotten Tomato Rating: 79%
Halloween’s Michael Myers: Yet another iconic killer, Michael Myers claimed his dominance as a Halloween villian through his plotline. Michael Myers, not to be confused with the man who voiced Shrek, started his killing career at six years old, when he killed his sister and was admitted to a psychiatric institution. After 15 years, he escapes and sets out on a mission to kill the rest of his family–and you thought you had family issues. He possesses superhuman strength, stealth and endurance, giving him the ability to rack up 81 known kills. He has been shot numerous times and still lives, becoming the most indestructible human killer. But perhaps his creepiest quality is the fact that he is mute, refusing to talk as he goes on his murderous sprees.
Most Relatable Moment: When he kills his family because let’s be real, we’ve all thought about it.
Rotten Tomato Rating: 93%
