Since the beginning of time, humans have been an innovative and curious group. Our thirst for knowledge has made the world what it is today. Despite all of these advances, we have yet to discover the remedy for one of the oldest symptoms around… hangovers. Good ole Mayo Clinic defines it as “the unpleasant symptoms that occur after excessive alcohol intake” and the symptoms include headache, nausea, and light sensitivity. What’s even more interesting is that the treatments listed include rest and alcohol detoxification (Yikes!). So for our readers that either believe that sleep is not a sufficient remedy or that a trip to the doctor’s office for an “alcohol detox” is not something you’d willingly do, this article is for you.
The history of hangovers
The first remedy for a hangover was unsurprisingly dubbed by the British as the “Hair of Dog” method, which is what we know of today as drinking more to feel better. Throughout the years, unconventional methods have been used to remedy hangovers such as the consumption of pickled sheep (dubbed by the Mongolians), and intense sauna sessions (dubbed by the Russians). But where does this leave us today?
Campion dining facility: A mecca of crazy hangover cure concoctions
Students at SJU are known equally for their overwhelming Hawk pride but also for their innovative and creative minds. So how does the average SJU student combat hangovers? Three words: Campion dining facility. At SJU we have a cornucopia of various hangover remedies, which despite being unorthodox, get the job done in the Hawkest way possible. For this article we surveyed around campus to find the oddest remedies for a hangover and here is what we found. For the sake of our respondents’ anonymity we have changed their names.
- Chicken noodle soup with some sugar cookies on the side
Ingredients:
- 1 sugar cookie
- 1 bowl of chicken noodle soup
- 1 glass of water (Because it’s good for you)
- 1 oz. freshman sauce
Picture this, after an exhausting evening out, the next morning you develop a horrible headache and nausea that just won’t go away. It’s a saturday but since you just wasted your weekend budget on the night before, you are forced to eat at campion. You proceed to call a fellow freshman you know and plan to use their swipes to create a concoction for a cure of your own. First, you stroll through the aisle and take a sugar cookie, a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and a glass of water. After you sit down, you eat it all and half an hour later your hangover is gone. A freshman lost one of their guest swipes, and the people in campion are looking at you all types of weird, but at least you don’t have a hangover anymore.
-The story of Fred the freshman
☑SJU VERIFIED
𐄂Total dud
- Let them eat cake, and grilled cheesus
Ingredients:
- A grilled cheese sandwich (Tastes better on a Sunday)
- A slice of pizza
- A slice of chocolate cake
- Mystery ingredient
As a freshman, he went to a party one friday night. That saturday, he woke up around 1pm hungover. He was still moderately drunk and decided to go to Campion to get something to eat. He could not decide what he wanted to get so instead he grabbed a slice of cake, a slice of pizza, and a grilled cheese sandwich all on one plate. Then…he put hot sauce over the entire plate and devoured it. Jim recalls this memory as one of the best drunken meals he has ever had.
-The story of Jim the reminiscing junior
☑SJU VERIFIED
𐄂Total dud
3.Say Konichiwa to my little friend
Ingredients:
- Sushi
- Lemonade (Not the Beyoncé album)
- Wawa muffin
Sierra attended a friend’s house party last semester and consumed a plethora of alcohol. She woke up the next day hungover and bat-like (as soon as the lights came on in her room she screeched). But what was Sierra to do? She had a marketing final in the next couple of hours, how could she get prepared in time? So she did what most logical SJU students do in adversity: Eat. She grabbed a Wawa muffin from her fridge and headed into Campion and purchased some sushi and a lemonade. The results were disastrous. She regurgitated the entire meal as soon as she returned to her room, but luckily she felt well enough to take her final. Moral of the story: only Campion foods cure SJU students’ hangovers, bye bye Wawa.
-The story of Sierra the scarred Sophomore
𐄂SJU VERIFIED
☑Total dud
- A hamburger and Caesar salad are the way to go
Ingredients:
- 1 hamburger
- Bowl of Caesar salad
- m&m’s
- Glass of ice water
It was Halloween, a Tuesday. After a night of partying, Sara got back to her dorm at 4 a.m. She woke up at 11:30 with an excruciating headache, and sunlight was streaming through the blinds. Knowing she had a class at 12:30, she decided to make the trek over the McShain bridge to Campion to get a bite. She had no appetite but she was starving nonetheless. She went over to the grill station to get a hamburger, got a Caesar salad, a cup of m&m’s, and a glass of ice water. She gobbled this down, and by 1pm, her hangover was cured.
-The story of Sara and Caesar salad
☑SJU VERIFIED
𐄂Total dud
In short, there is no true remedy for a hangover, other than a hospital visit. This does not stop us at SJU from trying to achieve the impossible. We are a crowd of unwavered, adventurous, and sometimes impractical individuals when it comes to drinking but that’s all part of our charm. Although we may not have all the secrets to finding a cure for hangovers, that will never stop our journey of experimenting.
