Whether it’s Beyonce, Kanye, Kesha, Bruno, or the Jo Bros, everyone listens to music. And whether it’s Spotify, Pandora or Apple, everyone has their preference when it comes to a provider of said music. Ever wonder how each music provider would be if they embodied a human? Here, we’ll tell you exactly what type of person your favorite music provider would be if they were a student here at SJU.

Apple Music

($9.99/month)

A true trust fund baby. His dad is the CEO of a big company, which he makes sure to slip into every conversation he’s ever had. His name is either Chad or Brock, and he only wears Vineyard Vines. He’s an avid member of Lambda Chi Alpha, and is majoring in undecided business, because, let’s face it, he knows he’s going to work for his dad’s company directly after graduation. His room is adorned with a “Saturdays are for the Boys” banner and a poster of a rapper he has listened to twice at the most.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Youtube

(Free)

His name is Wesley, but asks everyone to call him Wes. No one does. He always has a bag of Doritos and Mountain Dew in his hands as he walks around campus, and he never quite exited his middle school emo phase. He has a gaming channel which recently hit 50 subscribers, and he uploads religiously every Monday and Thursday. He makes sure to advertise this to everyone he encounters and calls everyone “bro”. Wesley’s favorite time to film his videos is at 3 am, and his shades are always down. His roommate is currently looking for alternate housing options. He’s an IT major and goes to Campion’s home style station for every single meal. Still uses phrases like “xD” and “rofl” over text.

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Spotify

(Premium- $9.99/month)

She’s as basic as they come, but in a good way. Her name is Emily, and she carries around a Swell bottle and always wears Lulu Lemon gear even when she isn’t attending her weekly yoga session. Everyone wants to be her friend, and no matter how much you try to hate her you just can’t, because you want to be her. Emily is an IHS major and is planning on becoming a physician’s assistant, and is super involved in weekly service. Her finsta is the envy of all, and she is often spotted having a picnic lunch or day in the city with some of her sorority sisters.

Pandora

(Pandora Plus-$4.99/month)

Kayla is a freshman, 16 years old, and the youngest student on campus thanks to skipping a grade. She is your typical prodigy kid, and has played piano since she was 4. She has a weird obsession with horses. She wears light-up Sketchers unironically, and is an Honors student who literally never stops talking about how Honors students get unlimited prints. You can probably find her in the second floor of Drexel Library sitting at a table in the children’s book section, or having a deep discussion with her philosophy teacher. You can spot her a mile away with her Lisa Frank backpack and sparkly folders with kittens on them. Due to Kayla’s grueling class schedule and her horseback riding lessons, we were not able to snap a picture of her on campus. However, she did manage to send a few pictures of her favorite things, so the readers could get full insight of the Pandora-listening prodigy.

 

 

 

 

 

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